When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited to have my baby. All of the doctor’s appointments leading up to my due date were very routine and never really painful or scary in any way. So it wasn’t until I was about 7 months pregnant that I started to think about having to actually deliver the baby. I think your mind just doesn’t go there so that you can be calm and present throughout your pregnancy.  I also think that’s why there are so many fun and exciting events leading up to childbirth. Gender reveals and baby showers help you to focus on all of the exciting parts of becoming a mom, and not think about how this baby is going to come out of your body. Even in my childbirth classes, I focused more on breathing techniques and childcare basics than on the details of delivery. I actually barely even paid attention to the section on c-sections because I figured this would absolutely not be my experience. So, you can imagine my shock and surprise when at my 33-week appointment I learned that my baby was breech.

I was seeing my OB every week at that point and was reassured that she would probably turn head down before my due date. By 36 weeks, the tune at the doctor’s office started to change, and we were discussing scheduling a 38-week c-section. They gave me a date for surgery, but before that, I decided to schedule a version procedure to try to manually flip the baby head down. My husband and I also tried every single technique that we could find on the internet to get this baby to flip.

I laid upside down on an ironing board propped up on my living room couch (with headphones placed at the bottom of my stomach blasting lullabies to entice her to head that way). I went to an acupuncturist. I tried moxibustion, which is basically lighting incense near your feet. My husband thought I was crazy, but I was willing to try literally anything. When none of this worked, I decided to go in for the version procedure to give it one last try before my scheduled surgery.

Obviously, every woman is entitled to make this decision for herself, but if I had a close friend or family member deciding whether or not to try this procedure, I would strongly advise them not to do this. I actually only know two other people who have done it, and they feel the same way (it did not work for any of us). It is successful for some people, but it only has a 50/50 success rate. I did not actually realize how serious this procedure was until I was admitted to the hospital. They administer an epidural because otherwise, it would be extremely painful. They are also fully ready to go and deliver your baby in case anything goes wrong. The baby's heart rate is monitored the entire time to make sure they are not under too much stress. Even writing about this gives me anxiety. It all just felt very wrong to me.

Things started to go poorly right after my epidural. I was feeling like I was having trouble breathing, which I learned from my OB in her office the next day was due to the epidural being placed too high. I was having trouble turning my head from side to side and the vibe in the room was not good. No one said anything was out of the ordinary, but I could tell this was not normal. Thank God, I did not need to be intubated or have any serious complications, but I was immediately regretting going through all of this.

When it came time to turn the baby, there were two doctors on top of my bed pushing my baby with all of their might, and she did not budge. Her heart rate started to dip so they stopped the procedure. I went through all of this pain and suffering, and I’m sure caused my baby pain and suffering as well, for nothing. I had huge bruises on my belly from how hard they were pushing. I went home and was sitting in my unborn baby’s nursery sobbing to my mom on the phone telling her about the experience. I felt like a terrible mother for putting my baby, whom I already loved so much, through this awful experience. I was so worried that I had hurt her or scared her. It was an all-around terrible experience.

If you have a breech baby and are scared to have a c-section, I can totally relate. I had never had any type of surgery before when I learned that I was going to have to deliver that way. I was honestly so terrified of surgery that I had never even had my wisdom teeth out. But now that I have been through not one, but two c-sections, I can tell you it is honestly not that bad. I think the version procedure was almost worse because a c-section you are doing to keep your baby safe, whereas I feel now that I was being selfish having the version procedure. I was doing it out of my own fear. Looking back, I now feel like my baby was probably in that position for a reason. If I was able to do it all over again, I would absolutely not try that procedure again. I would suggest more relaxed ways to encourage your baby to flip like acupuncture and moxibustion. I also saw a chiropractor starting at 34 weeks and I know that has even more of a success rate with turning the baby than the version procedure, and it is very gentle and relaxed.

I think the best advice I can give about pregnancy, in general, is to just trust the process. There is so much about being pregnant and delivering your baby that is out of your control. The more comfortable you can get with that truth, the better off you will be. I was sort of trying to change my fate, and it wasn’t worth the battle (especially considering I lost). I had come a long way with mindfulness between my first delivery and my second, and I think that state of surrendering helped me stay calm and have a more positive experience the second time around. Having a baby can be scary, but I just kept reminding myself that these amazing doctors and nurses do this every single day and that I was in good hands. I reminded myself that I was strong and capable and that I was about to become a mom, and that overrides everything else. Your motherly instincts to protect and care for your baby will get you through any difficult moments, and after that, you get to enjoy your precious baby and you will immediately start to forget about how they got there. It will all be worth it :)